"A Shout-Out To My Pain "
I'm in pain. . .
* in my left kidney, but the kidney stone is moving down. I am trying to take my mind off the waves of gnawing pain there by writing here. It has been awhile since I last had a kidney stone.
* over my Dad, the distance, and his terminal cancer.
* with my doubts.
* in regard to my finances. I think I suck at managing my finances, and, yes, I said suck. (That's my version of cursing. Hmph.) The medical costs for the diabetes, my overly generous nature and gift-giving, my spending on my classroom and students, my relatively-new puppy, and just wanting to enjoy "little" things (which I haven't done in forever now) all add up in a way that leaves me in debt and living paycheck to paycheck more than I care to say.
* because I want to believe in the Fairy Tale, but Life is less about the dream than the hard reality of most things.
* because I'm not feeling like my usual upbeat and energetic self right now, and that makes me feel even worse. This kind of pain wears on my positive outlook.
* because I feel condemnation knocking on my mind and heart's door because I not overcoming these things very well in prayer like I feel I should.
"A Shout-Out To My Sweet, Ever-Present, and Helpful Lord"
Even in the midst of all these things, I must remember:
* The Stone: This too shall pass. Literally.
* My Dad: Even when I don't understand, God is faithful, and the steps of a good/righteous man are ordered by the LORD: and He delighteth in his way. Psalm 37:23
* With My Doubts: For God has not given us a spirit of fear [or doubt], but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 - Same Scripture as for my Dad applies to me with my personal paraphrase: My steps are ordered by the LORD: and my Sweet Lord delights in me.
* My Finances: Finances are a reflection of our stewardship of our time, devotion, and true love. This is an unresolved issue for me, but God is faithful, and on more occasions than I can count, He has truly "come through" for me in miraculous ways. I am reminded, however, of this: "If, then, you have not been true in your use of the wealth of this life, who will give into your care the true wealth?" Luke 16:11
* On the Fairy Tale: I want to believe. . ."But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yes be yes; and your no, no; so you don't fall into condemnation." James 5:12
* On A Positive Outlook: I must remember too: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13
* With Condemnation: There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus. . .Romans 8:1.
A Song That Applies (I would love to put the audio up for this. How do I do this?):
"More Than A. . ." by Lisa McClendon from "Soul Music"
I have a seat
Take out my pen
Think to myself
Where do I begin?
So much to say
So little time
To describe you
In this simple rhyme.
More than I can think about
Beyond natural expression
What can I explain?
You supercede man's expectations
More complex than man's complications.
More than a wish
More than a dream
More than the words in this song I sing
More than a paycheck
More than a bill
More than the Finish Line
More than a Record Deal
More than what I own
Without you, it's in vain.
So much more than life
This is why I sing
More than the first
More than the last
More than my future
More than my past.
I know I might sound crazy
To some degree
But I wonder
What it is you see in me?
What can I give you?
I don't own a thing
And that which I own
I got it through Your name
So Simple as Love
But I can't understand it
I guess that's how you planned it
Somehow in your arms
Is where I landed.
5 comments:
E: well, I can't help you with the audio but I can sympathize with some of the things you are dealing with. It's good that you remember that God loves you and cares for you even in times of trouble.
We all have those times when we feel nothing is going right. My mother always told me, "This too shall pass." And it will.
I can sympathize with you on your Father's health problems. My prayers will be sent for him today.
Hang in there, it WILL get better. HUGZ!
Thank you, Green and DB.
Sometimes life feels overwhelming, even with prayer. I like to think there is this fluid soundtrack playing in the background that makes sense of the difficulties and trials and ties up the loose or confusing ends, but that is not always the case. Life just happens.
Not that I'm a big Beatles fan, but I think this quote by John Lennon makes all the sense in the world: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
Yep. That's life more often than not.
One highlight is meeting Green, but there is even disappointment in this because actually meeting in person has become a rather arduous task for us both. Talking to him only fosters more longing. I've "longed" for too long. Tee-Hee. I'm tired of "longing."
I'm so sorry Esther! My husband has had kidney stones and the pain is so great they say it's worse than childbirth. As far as finances, I couldn't help but think of yesterday's Oprah. Suze Ormond was on there talking with some people and had some good advice. Have you heard of her stuff? She can be a bit tough, but knows what she's talking about. You can get through this and create your own fairy tale. Sending positive energy your way! xo
hi Ester!
Gee I think you and green share more than you think! didn't he have a problem with kidney stones last year?
Seems like things in our lives all go wrong at the same time, its those tiny patches of good stuff we must cherish. Your rough patch will soon be over and the good stuff will return sooner than you think. Hang in there, I think you know how to get through the pain both emotionally and physically.
Its a little thing called life.
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