ARROGANCE, ABANDONMENT, and ADORATION

A variety of thoughts are kicking around in this head. . .

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ON ARROGANCE:

When I first started teaching high school in 1994, I knew I had a gift.

It wasn't taught to me. It wasn't a test that I studied. I didn't "catch" it.

It was an innate gift - a natural ability to present information in a clear and entertaining way and motivate my audience.

I did study English and American Literature in college, and I did study Secondary Education.

Even though I felt like I had this "gift," I was never arrogant or rude to any other teacher. I was mindful to receive and be a good student and steward of the gift myself.

In my heart, though, I thought I "had" it. I gave myself more credit than I should have at that time.

I am seeing another new teacher with this tendency, but the arrogance is not hidden in the heart but much more obvious.

Since 1994 I have learned a thing or two about the many colors within and broad spectrum of quality teaching and unique and creative techniques. I have learned this from many other experienced and veteran teachers. In the process, my heart has been properly humbled by how I didn't know everything I thought I knew.

I believe in Life-Long Learning. You can always learn from others, but you have to be open to it.

Teachers are some of the most notorious students. They tend to be lowsy students. Really. They (we) tend to think they can teach the topic better. They critique the other teacher's delivery and knowledge. It happens, but not all do it. I'm not one of them that does this, because I'm so aware of the tendenc in others.

In this very new teacher, I see a bit of condescension. I am all for confidence but not an elitist attitude toward other veteran teachers. Such a new teacher doesn't realize all there is yet to learn.

This condescension would be a good trait to get rid of quickly.

Hopefully, that happens.

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A WOMAN'S LONELINESS and ABANDONMENT:

I want to quote from a book I've been reading entitled Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. The whole book is fascinating, but this little section spoke to me, and I found it fascinating:

What is this thing in me -- and in most men -- that just doesn't want to go deep into a woman's world? You are too much. Too Hard. It's too much work. Men are simpler. Easier. And isn't that just the message you've lived with all your life as a woman? "You're too much, and not enough. You're just not worth the effort."

Now, part of a man's fundamental reluctance to truly dive into the world of a woman comes from a man's deepest fear - failure. Oh, he may joke about "the differences of men and women," Mars and Venus and all that. But the truth is, he is afraid. He fears that having delved into his woman's world, he won't have what it takes to help her there. That is his sin. That is his cowardice. And because of her shame, most of the time a man gets away with it. Most marriages (and long term dating relationships) reach this sort of unspoken settlement. "I'm not coming any closer. This is as far as I'm willing to go. But, I won't leave, and that ought to make you happy." And so here is this sort of detente, a cordial agreement to live only so close.

The effect is that most women feel alone.

What John and Stasi together have described here is really what I dealt with in my previous marriage. My ex-husband kept me very distance, because of his fear of intimacy.

I don't think my experience is unique at all. I think what is written above is true for most women. I think most women somewhere deep feel inadequate whether they would ever admit it or not.

If you haven't read this book, I would highly recommend it.

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I'M THANKFUL FOR YOU:

One thing that I can say with a hopeful air is that I know a certain male who hasn't held me at a certain distance and has been quite open with and interested in me.

For that, I am most grateful and equally excited about the potential and possibility.