"The Plan" - Day Five (5)
I'm stressed.
I'm disgusted with myself.
This has been one of the hardest weeks I've ever had in my life (and I've had some hard ones previously).
I make a New Year's Resolution, and all *?#! breaks loose.
I shouldn't be surprised, though. Besides this Weight Loss Plan, I am on a 21 Day Fast for spiritual reasons. I have given up one of my favorite items that I could have had in abundance on the Weight Loss Plan, but I'm giving it up to gain more clarity in a certain area and be more sensitive to God's voice and design in my life. I should have known that whenever I start a fast all hell really does seem to break loose. I must remember "to count it all joy" (or at least the working of greater joy in my life). It's still rough, though.
The picture I have posted above comes from another Faculty member who took my picture at an early December Winter Formal Dance at the high school where I teach. I posted my own pictures to this event on my December 15th blog.
I am mortified by this picture, but I am also disappointed because the faculty member kept saying what an excellent picture of me it is before I actually saw it myself. I was horrified and wanted to start crying when I finally saw it. Granted, the picture was taken a month ago and the angle wasn't that flattering, BUT it is a traumatizing picture, and it makes me think that I must not see myself as fat as I actually am. That chin scares me. It's worth about four chins, and it makes me think of Santa Claus when Christmas is now over. : (
As to my results for this week, I am baffled. According to the scale I actually added two pounds to my original weight, but according to my Body Fat Percentage, I went down by one percentage point this week. Did I gain that much muscle in a week? I don't think so, and, although I'm thrilled by a lower Body Fat Percentage, I find the scale result disappointing nonetheless.
I'm wondering if the higher stress load this week (I got some unexpected and devastating news that has set me back emotionally) may have caused a release of cortisol and those other "weight holding" hormones. I also didn't weigh myself at the same time today, so that could make a difference too. In the end, it really doesn't matter whether either of those is the cause. Bottom line is that I gained two pounds, lost one percentage point of fat, and feel like I'm off to a failing start in this desperate need to lose weight. I feel like a failure about a lot of things right now, and it's not helping my outlook on life or my hopefulness about a lot of things. I have to remember that today is a new day, and I have to put any setbacks behind me and believe the best and better about myself and my ability to succeed at and with this goal.
Here are the statistics on Day Five (5):
Weight: 212.2 pounds (up from 210.8)
Body Fat %: 44.2 (down from 45.9)
Go figure.
Actually, my mantra should be: "Figure, Go!" Current figure that is.
[Note: I don't know why Blogger sometimes refuses to honor new paragraphing and indentations, but it does. At the time I am posting this, Blogger is not recognizing my actual paragraphing of this post, and I have tried to fix it four times. Does anybody know why it does this? It is a ridiculous issue with this blog site. Is there a fix to the problem?]
8 comments:
Keep your chin up, esther. You won't see results right away but don't get discouraged. Stay consistent with your program and you will see the results you look for.
Don't be discouraged Esther! EVERYONE has pictures they want to burn of themselves and sometimes the camera can be really deceiving. Even Tyra Banks has "fat pictures"! lol
And muscle does weigh more than fat, so you may be gaining muscle for sure. Certain times of the month as well I can gain 4 or 5 pounds easily, so that could be a factor. Just remmeber to love and accept yourself no matter what! xo
Good luck...
Thank you, Green and JLee for your very positive words!
Green: Yes, consistency is the key. It is easy to be "full-force" at the beginning of something new, and then fizzle out as the time goes on. I have found that the turtle does indeed win the race in other areas of my life. I didn't get like this overnight, so I can't expect it all to come off overnight either.
JLee: Thanks for reminding me about Tyra Banks and those "fat" (yeah, right) pictures that the media printed of her. Just like Jennifer Love Hewitt, if Tyra is "fat," then sign me up for those "fat" bodies. LOL!
What are your secrets for staying so in shape and beautiful, JLee? Care to share?
[By extension and so you're not left out, how about you, Green? How do you keep your girlish figure? Big LOL!!!]
e: for me, eat lots of junk food, pizza and assorted unhealthy stuff and lots and lots of Mountain Dew (and orange juice). LOL! ;>)
because, if you're going to go out, go out with a bang I say!!!
Esther, what jlee said is all true. I gain 3 - 5 pounds "that time of the month". So don't be discouraged.
Also, I wanted to mention a site that I used before, and may use again, that REALLY helped me keep track of what I was ingesting. It's called SparkPeople.com
Check it out!
Keep up the good work.
2 things:
1 - the holidays are a really difficult time to be trying to lose weight, what with the even greater than usual abundance of goodies plus all the stress..
2 - fasting plays havoc with the body, often leading to unexpected results. I've known other people to gain weight while fasting. It's not a natural condition, so the body takes its 'best guess' on how to react. One of the big dangers is that fasting will cause your body to burn musscle before it burns fat.
with these two things in mind (added to the fact that scales are notoriously inacurate) don't be too hard on yourself for the short term setback.
Wow, you guys are great on here! Lots of comforting words, encouragement, and insight! Thank you so much!
DB: Yes, I will go check out your SparkPeople.com site. Thank you. It sounds really neat. Thanks for the suggestion. I'll let you know what I think. I've been using a calorie/fat/protein/carb counter website, and I've been checking out Body for Life, BeachBody, Weight Watchers, and Nutrisystem online just for inspiration, so I'm looking forward to checking out your site too!
AG: Thank you for your great advice, insight, and suggestions and for helping me feel better about myself! My fast is actually just Diet Pepsi which I LOVE and drink way too many of during my day of teaching. I'm not fasting all foods or doing a Daniel Fast (just fruits and vegetables). I'm "fasting" the one item which I am practically joined-at-the-hip with. My "down time" comes during my 4th period planning period when I can go to the Faculty Lounge and get an ice-cold Diet Pepsi out of the vending machine, go back to my room, and grade or plan after or with my soda. That is how I decompress at the end of my "teaching" periods. When I'm stressed, I turn to Diet Pepsi and/or diet sodas in general. Before Christmas Break, I was having three to four Diet Pepsis or sodas by 3:30 p.m. It is something I really enjoy, so I was seeking to "fast" it for that reason. It's best for my kidneys not to have so much soda too. Thank you again for your cheer!
DB: Thank you for the terrific recommendation for the Spark People website! I set up my own Spark People site myself. Tell me what your site is, and I'll add you as a friend. Here is my site:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=ESTHERNOW
I don't know if you can get there this way, but let me know you stopped by if you can.
Thanks again! It's a great site.
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